International Space Station Gets Extreme Makeover

The space shuttle Discovery's mission took a commercial turn on Tuesday as Ty Pennington, host of ABC's "Extreme Makeover," emerged from the spacecraft to reveal plans for the remodeled International Space Station.
Crews that had been hidden aboard the ship with Pennington immediately got to work building a new cedar-wood sundeck on the station's starboard exterior, along with a refurbished eat-in kitchen and a workout room complete with sauna and jacuzzi. Pennington admitted that NASA scientists were still ironing out plans for the jacuzzi to function in zero gravity without flooding the station with floading clouds of water.
NASA administrator Michael Griffin said this phase of the mission would be a "win-win for everyone involved," providing great publicity for both the ABC reality show and NASA and would help recoup some of the cost of the ridiculously expensive, and increasingly pointless, shuttle program.

Kim Jong-Il Pierces Tongue, Wrecks Car In Latest Bid For Attention

Ratcheting up his efforts to win the attention of world powers, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il had his tongue and other body-parts pierced, sources said, after a late-night partying binge in which he also wrecked his family's SUV.
Intelligence sources said Kim's bad behavior has increased since a Fourth of July rocket test last week failed to win as much attention as the World Cup soccer matches and the death of former Enron CEO Ken Lay.
"Who do you have to [expletive] to get a full day of coverage on CNN these days," Kim was quoted as saying in an interview with a Pyongyang radio station.
The White House declined to comment on Kim's latest antics. "We'll get around to studying that, just as soon as we finish that upcoming study on climate change," said spokesman Tony Snow, referring to a report that is due in late 2007.
A further enraged Kim Jong-Il then left a five-pound bag of maraijuana in his home just as reporters were visiting and got his girlffriend pregnant.

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