BREAKING: SuperDelegates Save Thousands From Massive Earthquake
A massive earthquake shook the southwest on Monday, but widescale death and destruction was avoided when superdelegates took to the skies, using their powers to rescue thousands from peril.
“We’re not supposed to use our powers until the convention, but this was a catastrophe,” said Ed Shedly of Tucson, Ariz., after plucking a schoolbus from the precipice of a shattered bridge spanning the Colorado River.
Another superdelegate, Phil Farisco of Albuquerque, took even more drastic action by sealing a fissure in the earth’s crust with his heat vision. “There I was, sitting around trying to decide if I was going to support Hillary or Obama, when the ground starts shaking,” said Farisco. “I didn’t even think about, just grabbed my cape and flew out the window.’
Many of the superdelegates did not identify themselves after they performed such feats as preventing speeding trains from derailing, suspending toppling skyscrapers and, in one case, hastily constructing a new runway with superspeed after the one at Reno/Tahoe International Airport was destroyed. This allowed 17 flights short on fuel to land safely.
“It’s all in a day’s work for a superdelegate,” said one woman who declined to reveal her secret identity. “And compared to getting Hillary to drop out of the race, it’s child’s play.”