Monday, May 09, 2005

Map Of Europe Transformed In Poker Game After World War II Commemoration

International leaders commemorating the 60th anniversary of World War II’s end vowed more peaceful ways of settling their differences this weekend, then proceeded to radically transform the face of Europe in a game of five-card stud.
Half of Poland will now be shifted to Belarus, while the Czech Republic won possession of Slovakia, reuniting the two countries. Russia and Germany played several heated hands in which they alternately seized chunks of France, Hungary and Northern Italy, although Germany was once again rebuffed, losing its shirt to Russia and the United States.
President Bush initially gained a foothold in Europe, winning a huge chunk of southern France from Jacques Chirac, who bluffed with a measly pair of fours while the commander-in-chief, the only other person to call in that hand, had a straight flush.
But by the game’s end Bush only broke even, leaving the French territory in the pot and folding rather than bid Maine, Tennessee and the U.S. Virgin Islands to stay in the game, leaving the U.S. map unchanged. “Like that feller says, you got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,” said Bush.
The biggest upset of the game was the loss of the entire nation of Spain, now to be called East Portugal, after Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, who admitted he had never before played poker, bet it all on three aces, while Portugal’s Jose Socrates had the game’s only Royal Flush.
In other news, President Bush urged his Russian counterpart, Vladimir Putin, to work on strengthening democracy, free speech and other human rights in his country, to which Putin replied “back at ya, pal.”

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Verdict In Moot Court Prompts Moot Fistfight

Two students at Benjamin J. Cardozo Law School in Manhattan received moot injuries and another was moot arrested after a verdict was handed down in moot court.
The students said they thought the melee would add a touch of realism to the case, which resulted in the moot conviction of a moot embezzler for stealing over $5 million in moot cash.
"I just didn't think it would be realistic to accept the verdict and walk out of the courtoom," said Steven G. Ergenlander, the moot defendant. "Especially after that moot son of a bitch former partner double-crossed me and turned moot turned state's evidence."
After the verdict, Ergenlander lunged from the well of the court into the gallery and moot-attacked fellow student Paul Kreill, the moot star witness. Ergenlander also said he suspected Kreill had a moot affair with Ergenlander's moot wife.
Since there were no moot court officers present to restrain Ergenlander, the fracas went on for nearly 10 minutes before moot cops were called. Kreill and his moot lawyer, Ben Fenley, received moot abrasions and contusions and were taken to NYU Medical Center to be "treated" by medical students in the moot ER.
Ergenlander now faces additional moot charges of assault. His moot trial has not been scheduled. School officials said they were preparing a moot report on moot security following the incident.