Map Of Europe Transformed In Poker Game After World War II Commemoration
International leaders commemorating the 60th anniversary of World War II’s end vowed more peaceful ways of settling their differences this weekend, then proceeded to radically transform the face of Europe in a game of five-card stud.
Half of Poland will now be shifted to Belarus, while the Czech Republic won possession of Slovakia, reuniting the two countries. Russia and Germany played several heated hands in which they alternately seized chunks of France, Hungary and Northern Italy, although Germany was once again rebuffed, losing its shirt to Russia and the United States.
President Bush initially gained a foothold in Europe, winning a huge chunk of southern France from Jacques Chirac, who bluffed with a measly pair of fours while the commander-in-chief, the only other person to call in that hand, had a straight flush.
But by the game’s end Bush only broke even, leaving the French territory in the pot and folding rather than bid Maine, Tennessee and the U.S. Virgin Islands to stay in the game, leaving the U.S. map unchanged. “Like that feller says, you got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,” said Bush.
The biggest upset of the game was the loss of the entire nation of Spain, now to be called East Portugal, after Prime Minister Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, who admitted he had never before played poker, bet it all on three aces, while Portugal’s Jose Socrates had the game’s only Royal Flush.
In other news, President Bush urged his Russian counterpart, Vladimir Putin, to work on strengthening democracy, free speech and other human rights in his country, to which Putin replied “back at ya, pal.”