Thursday, September 20, 2007

Greenspan Shocker: “I Had No F---ing” Clue

In a bombshell revelation, former federal reserve chairman Alan Greenspan writes in his new memoir, “The Age Of Turbulence,” that he dropped out of college, lied about his credentials and really doesn’t know the first thing about economics.
“Man, I padded my resume like the seats of a Volvo,” admits the man who, for 19 years in Washington, could affect consumer confidence and shake up Wall Street with his every pronouncement.
Greenspan was an unemployed drifter looking for work as a saxophone player who had dropped out of New York University in the mid-1940s when he began to offer his advice about money to those few friends who had some. “A friend of one friend, who was working toward his MBA, once remarked that what I was saying sounded a lot like laissez-faire capitalism, and I said, “You’re damned right it does.”
It was then, Greenspan said, that he started telling people he had advanced degrees in economics and ultimately won a job at a New York-based think tank, The Conference Board. He then served more than 30 years as chairman and president of Townsend-Greenspan & Co., Inc., an economic consulting firm in New York City, and as chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers under President Gerald Ford before being tapped for the Fed job by Ronald Reagan. He was renominated in 2002 by President George W. Bush.
Greenspan said he often worried about his past catching up to him, but quickly learned “in Washington, it’s amazing how easy you can get away with being a clueless buffoon masquerading as an important leader making world-changing decisions.”

Coming Up: Area Man Could Give A Crap About His Carbon Footprint

Cop On Horse Draws Thousands To Times Square

New York’s Times Square was swarming in tourists this week as word spread that the area features a police officer mounted on a horse.
“Unbelievable,” said Morris Oskey of Crest Oaks, Delaware, one of several people gathered around the police officer Monday to take digital photos with his cell-phone camera.
“It’s an actual cop on an actual, living breathing horse,” added Oskey as the horse performed a bodily function other than breathing, causing the crowd to gasp in delight and awe.
Another tourist, Cynthia Maynard, who lives in South Hadley, Massachusetts, said that when she first saw Sgt. Ray Iannova and his horse, Kojak, on 45th Street and 7th Avenue, she ran across the street to the NYPD substation in the middle of Times Square to ask if the rider was a real police officer.
“They said he was – with a real badge and working gun,” Maynard gushed. “They said he’s even allowed to write tickets and arrest people.”
“See, the thing is, we don’t need horses anymore,” said Phillip Krebs, a visitor from Wallingford, Connecticut. “We can use cars and motorcycles and bicycles .. it’s not like the olden days. And here’s this cop who chooses to be on a horse. How cool is that?”
After allowing the civilians to be photographed alongside Kojak, Iannova dazzled the crowd with a demonstration of how he could get Kojak to gently step backward, then turn and gallop away. “It’s just like the movies,” one woman shouted.
The crowd of tourists lingered on the spot for another hour, hoping in vain to snap a picture of whoever it was who cleaned up the horse’s manure.
“This is what makes America great and New York the greatest goddam city in the world,” said Queens-born Andrew Gillespie, now living in Chicago but visiting friends in town this week. “Where else you gonna see something like this? Canada?”