Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Every Possible Country Song Now Recorded

With the release of seven new country music CDs on Sept. 12, every country song that could possibly be recorded has now been released, industry experts said.
The latest offerings are Shooter Jennings' "Live At Irving Plaza," Randy Rogers Band's "Just A Matter Of Time," Steve Azar's "Indianola," Carolina Rain's "Weather The Storm," Kenny Chesney's "Live Those Songs Again," Emerson Drive's "Countrified," and Darryl Worley's "Here & Now."
"With these releases, every possible combination of rural life and love lost in the Carolinas, Kentucky, Texas, Tennessee and Oklahoma has been made," said Billy Ferguson of CMWatch. "There are simply no more possible lyrics to write about going off to war and coming back to find your bride ran off with the tractor mechanic. And there's just nothing original left to sing about how the boys have all grown up and left the ranch and there's no one around to tend the crops and herds, and the Lord just don't have no mercy on a cowboy."
But that doesn't mean the end of country music, said Ferguson.
"I reckon most of these acts will continue to do concerts and record live albums, maybe cover each other's music a little, and maybe experiment with rock and R&B," said Ferguson. "Maybe the experience will inspire a whole new breed of music."

Earth's Environment Threatened By Clash Of Rosie O'Donnell's And Barbara Walters' Egos

The clash of egos on ABC's "The View" program now that Rosie O'Donnell has joined the show could be so strong that Earth's environment may literally be ripped away by cataclysmic forces, environmentalists and gossip columnists warned at a joint press conference in New York Tuesday.
Scientists had already registered a serious impact on the environment during the turbulent period when Star Jones left the show. But when O'Donnell was signed as her replacement, they began to project doomsday scenarios.
"There is the strong possibility of Category 3 hubris from O'Donnel combining with Category 5 vanity from Barbara Walters," said Walter Gossmeyer, editor of the Web site "Taken together, these two forces could build up enough pressure to blow the roof off the studio. Bring the wrong guest onto the set -- like Alec Baldwin, whose so full of himself his ego could power downtown Seattle -- and you're talking a perfect storm. The resulting pulsations of self-involvement could become an irresistable force. How Joy Behar's pettiness affects the picture is a whole other question."
In the worst-case scenario, the group warned that bringing all five stars of "Desperate Housewives" to the set at the same time, and asking them to pose for a photo, would unleash an ego storm of such magnitude that civilization itself may not survive.
"Like it or not, here I am!" Rosie shouted Tuesday during the taping of her first show. Walters later asked "What's all the fuss about?"
But Gossmeyer said scientists at a monitoring station in Ohio had already picked up dangerous seismic readings. "Take some of that negative karma from Dan Rather aimed at Katie Couric and add that to the mix, and we've got a dangerous witches' brew," he said.