New York Legislators Pass Sexual History Disclosure Act Of 2008

New York politicians must disclose every detail of their sexual history and a list of their partners, along with dates and places and descriptions of their relationships under the landmark Sexual Disclosure Act of 2008.
"The people have a right to know who's doing who, where, how many times, is it legal, are they married, and was it good, before it gets to the papers," said Assemblyman Fred Garvin of Westchester, the sponsor of the bill.
The bill faced heavy opposition from Republicans, but in the end many of them decided to abstain from the vote. "I guess we'll all have to get used to abstaining," said one state senator.
Gov. David Paterson, who recently admitted that both he and his wife have had extramarital affairs, said he would sign the bill because it was good policy, adding that "I'm also really curious to compare notes with some of these people."
Democratic Senator Maddy Walker, above, said she would happily comply with the bill, because "in a way, when you elect someone, you're electing everyone they've ever slept with."

Corporation Hires First Non Detail-Oriented Employee

Reversing a longstanding hiring practice, DHG Creative Arts Imaging Inc. this week hired a person who admitted to not being “detail-oriented” despite the company’s stated preference for such employees in its advertising.
Hugh H. Lazar, who will oversee the company’s digital production division, told executives at the company that he often accomplishes most of his tasks within the parameters described in job descriptions, but not always.
“For instance, if you said I had to produce multi-colored graphics presentation materials according to established quality control guidelines and according to a predetermined budget and timeline, I can assure you that I’d get some kind of job out to you reasonably fast and similar to what you had in mind,” Lazar said. “Particulars are really not my thing.”
But in an attempt to diversify its workforce, DGH decided it was time to include both detail-oriented and non detail-oriented Americans.
“We want a staff that looks like America,” said director of human resources Phil La Blanca said Tuesday. “We see that non detail oriented people are making all kinds of strides in the workplace, and we wanted to be a part of that.”
La Blanca said the company would continue reviewing its diversity goals, and was now considering hiring employees who are not self-starters.

Legislators Outraged That Spitzer Got Caught

Albany legislators this week expressed widespread outrage that Gov. Eliot Spitzer was caught patronizing high-price prostitutes.
“There is absolutely no excuse for getting caught with prostitutes,” said Sen. Martin Kelleher, a Republican from Oneonta. “It is a disgrace to those of us in the capital that have never been caught spending thousands of dollars cheating on our wives with carefully screened prostitutes through an agency we thought was safe.”
Added Gary Bernstein, a Democrat from Brooklyn, “Everyone knows better than that. If there’s one thing you learn in Albany on Day 1, it’ never, ever get caught with prostitutes.”
A spokesman for the state’s Republican committee said on Wednesday that his party was proud to be “the party of men who have never been caught with prostitutes. And I expect that after this scandal, our members will be working very hard to ensure that that continues.”
Democrat Ronald Saunders, a state Assemblyman from Long Island, said he was looking on the bright side. “I’m sure that a lot of us will be studying this whole mess very closely to see what we can learn from it,” said Saunders. “There are quite a few lessons here that can be very informative for those of us who have never been caught with prostitutes .”
In related news, industry sources said prostitution across the country has suffered a 34 percent decline since Monday, when Spitzer's scandal erupted. "We're going to have to introduce some new safeguards and initiatives to bring back our client base," said Quentin "Pappy" Kensington, proprietor of a New York prostitution emporium.