Thursday, January 22, 2009

Geithner Named Secretary Of Irony

A nominee for treasury secretary who failed to pay his taxes is the "perfect choice" for the newly created position of secretary of irony, a Senate committee decided on Thursday.
While the position would not be part of the president's cabinet, and would have no salary, staff, powers or office space, Senator John Kyl of Arizona said it was well suited for Timothy Geithner, who argued this week that "forgetting" to pay taxes for several years did not disqualify him from running the Internal Revenue Service.
"The secretary of irony will report directly to the president on all matters ironic, hypocritical or otherwise riddiculous, and regularly liase with late night comedy writers," said Senator Kyl.
In other Washington news, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts issued a public statement today regarding his now infamous flub during his swearing-in of President Obama and his later repetition of the oath. An hour later, he retracted the statement and issued another one. Two hours later, he retracted both statements and was said to be working on another.

Worst Time Ever To Be Named First Black AG, Says Holder
While grateful for the opportunity to serve as the nation's top lawyer, Eric Holder said Friday it would have been nice to have been the first black attorney general, say, five years ago.
"You think any of today's kids are gonna look at Eric Holder and say 'there's a guy who broke down barriers?' " said a somewhat morose Holder. "When they write about the Obama administration in the history books, I'll be lucky to be a footnote."
Holder continued, "Colin Powell, they'll remember -- first black secretary of state, surrounded by southern white guys. First black man in line to the presidency. Condi Rice -- first black woman to be secertary of state. Me? I'll just be the black guy that was the first black president's lawyer. More people will remember D.L. Hughley for getting a talk show on CNN."