Passengers Now Required To Fly Naked

All passengers boarding domestic flights will be forced to disrobe at the security gate and fly naked, the Federal Aviation Administration and the Transportation Security Agency announced today.
The complete clothing and carry-on luggage ban will virtually eliminate the possibility of smuggling dangerous objects aboard planes, said Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff. "Plus," he added, "it might make long flights a bit less boring."
The new rules, said Chertoff, would also eliminate the need for x-ray and metal detector machines, although some passengers would still be subjected to cavity searches.
A spokesman for United Airlines this week noted that the new guidelines were likely to enhance security, but expressed concern that health considerations would now require that airline seats be replaced after each flight.