World Officially Goes To Hell In A Handbasket

Neatly contained in an enormous but stylish wicker handbasket, the world officially went to hell this morning, where it is expected to remain for some time.
The presentation had been in the making for decades, but became official this week as the Middle East edged closer to complete chaos with violence in Gaza, Lebanon and Iraq, and the out-of-control climate continued to cook the earth. Also, relations between the United States and Russia, continued to sour, raising the prospect of another cold war as North Korea and Iran edged closer to deploying nuclear weapons.
At the same time, every celebrity in Hollywood went into rehab.
In competing statements, both Democrats and Republicans blamed each other for the demise of world order. But House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, joined by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and spiritual guru Deepak Chopra said it was an immutable, and not unpredictable fact, that President Bush had declined over the deliverance of the modern world into hell.