Thursday, December 21, 2006

Pluto To Earth: "Downgrade This!"

Fed up with being disrespected by Earth scientists, the previously unknown government of Pluto reacted angrily this week when word finally arrived that the International Astronimical Union had reclassified the former Ninth Planet as a "dwarf" or "minor planet.
Stripping Pluto of its full-planet status, the astromers last August designated the body simply "No. 134340."
The Plutonians only learned of this change this week because it takes months for radio waves emanating from Earth to reach the far edges of the solar system.
"We had to find out about this from, of all things, a joke on Conan O'Brien," wrote the Pluto spokesman Xwarlf, in a terse letter beamed to CNN, apparently originating several weeks ago. "You Earthers think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well let me tell you, at least our climate isn't warming, we have no endless wars and we don't have to put up with Britney, Rosie O'Donnell and Dr. Phil."
He added, "don't think we've forgotten how you dissed us by naming that dopey Disney character after us."
The letter, in which Xwarlf explained that Plutonians learned English from the U.S. sattelite broadcasts, concludes with several Pltonian insults and obscenities, and the words "Downgrade This!"
Xwarlf also said his planet had amassed a collection of deep space probes and other "floating garbage" launched from Earth and intended to deliver it back where it came from as soon as it developed interplanetary space travel. "Just because you're a supposedly 'major planet' doesn't give you the right to litter up the solar system."


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