China To Export Actual Crap

After years of foisting crappy merchandise on the American public, China announced this week that it will begin sending actual crap here by the middle of next year.
“We think the market for crap in America is quite large,” said Deng Xiu, a spokesman for the Chinese Trade Council. “If people will buy kids toys covered in lead or coated with a date-rape drug or asbestos, or dog food that kills your dog, they’ll buy anything.”
Chinese sources said they were still exploring the best ways to harvest and ship the crap and what type of profit margin to seek.
Reaction on Capitol Hill was swift. “This afternoon I will be introducing the China Ant-Crap Amendment to existing trade agreements,” said Sen. Charles Schumer of Brooklyn. “Essentially, it says to China: we’re fed up of taking your crap.”