Monday, September 19, 2005

Bush Political Disaster Downgraded To Category 3 Crisis

Three weeks after Hurricane Katrina ravaged the Gulf Coast, the political fallout has been downgraded from a Category 5 political disaster to a Category 3 publicity crisis, the National Scandal Observatory reported Tuesday.
“After the president fired his director of emergency management and made several trips to the affected areas, he largely succeeded in convincing the public that he is not a racist blunderer, but merely a blunderer,” said Jack Forsythe of the NSO. “That merits the downgrading from ‘disaster,’ past ‘scandal’ to the less severe ‘crisis.’ ”
Forsythe cautioned that additional hurricane activity may yet lead to another upgrade, but said the downgrade for now would allow Bush to focus on the war in Iraq, which last week was upgraded from Category 4 Boondoggle to a Category 5 Quagmire. The highest category is 6, or Military And Foreign Affairs Catastrophe.
In other news, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice today told reporters a note by the president to her, captured by a photographer at the United Nations, asking if it was OK for him to take a “bathroom break” was due to extraordinary circumstances.
Rice said the president usually addresses such requests to Vice President Dick Cheney or senior advisor Karl Rove, neither of whom was present at the UN.

The world's Big Three religions each posted earnings ahead of projections for fiscal year 05 this week, although Judaism and Islam once again failed to show profits.
Analysts said that Judaism continues to suffer from a milennia-long image problem that does not inspire consumer confidence, while Islam has been adversely affected by negative publicity.
"Ever since the year 0 BC, when millions of people started bailing out of Judaism and were sold on a new product, there's just not enough brand identification," said Jason Teplitz of of "And getting out the word that terrorism is against the Koran has hampered any opportunity for a growth dividend for Islam."
Christianity continues to be the world's most profitable religion, thanks in large part to substantial real estate holdings by the Catholic Church, a widely recognizable trademark and icon, and Pat Robertson's 700 Club.


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