Tuesday, April 20, 2010

"Lost" Spoilers: Details of Series Finale Revealed

As the most meandering, convoluted and plotless program ever to occupy a network prime time slot draws to a close, Stories To Watch has obtained exclusive details of the series two-hour finale.

It will begin with a new cast of five characters landing on the island, all of whom have some connection to Mr. Whidmore or Desmond the Time Traveler. In the first hour we’ll learn their back story via flashbacks, only to see them all killed off at the start of the second hour.

The death of the five newcomers will lead Jack, Hurley, Kate and Sawyer to walk to the other side of the island, while on the other side of the island, Sun, Jinn, Sayid and Claire will decide to walk to where Jack, Hurley, Kate and Sawyer are. On the way each will take turns beating the crap out of Ben. The group will each stop at the Black Pearl, the hatch, the temple and the orchid where they will see some dead people, a smoke monster and a polar bear and argue about why they keep coming back to the island. They will then walk back to the part of the island from which they came and Hurley will say many things that begin with “Dude.”

Desmond will leave the island and come back with Walt, the boy who seemed to be crucially important to the plot in the first season but completely disappeared in season 2.

Walt’s reappearance will prompt Jack and Kate to walk to the other side of the island, during which time they have an argument and decide the timing is all wrong for them and will suddenly remember that in Season 3, they were locked up in zoo cages for some reason, and what the hell was that all about? And what ever happened to the Others? Jack will also wonder why they were supposed to be entering those lottery numbers in that old Macintosh computer in Season 2. They decide to walk across the island again to demand some answers from Lock, and when they return everyone is beating up Ben without understanding why. Meanwhile, Walt is demanding to know what happened to the African guy with the stick who was the only one that scared the smoke monster and why no black or Hispanic people last more than one season on the show.

Just as the tension is building, Jack wakes up on the set of “Party of Five,” a house in San Francisco, and as Charlie Salinger tells his brother, Bailey and sister, Julia about his crazy dream about being on an island for six years. He steps outside to see an autistic Walt staring into a snowglobe that contains a small plastic Pacific island. Just as he is about to talk to Walt the screen goes blank.