Grounded Airline Pilots To Find Work As Metaphors

The two Northwest Airlines pilots who let their plane wander aimlessly across the sky, overshooting their mark by 150 miles, have found new careers as metaphors, they announced this week.

Captain Timothy Cheney will work as a metaphor for government spending while First Officer Richard Cole will serve as a living embodiment of the current national health care system.

Spokesmen for both pilots said they were looking for other opportunities. "Two guys who lost direction, went off course, failed to check in with ground control, became absorbed in themselves -- there's got to be plenty of companies and organizations they could represent in the public sphere," said Wendell Lonagan, a leading metaphor-broker. "And if this don't beat it all -- his name is Cheney. How perfect is that?"