Joan Rivers Officially Older Than Dirt

In a rare combination of DNA testing and carbon dating, scientists in California have determined that comedian Joan Rivers is older than many forms of common dirt found on the earth’s surface.
Rivers, who claims to be 75, more likely dates back to the Permian period, which occurred about midway through the Mesozoic and Paleozoic eras, or about 300 million years ago.
“When she says she’s so old, she never had to dust her house as a kid because dust didn’t exist yet, she’s not kidding,” said Dr. Miles Rivlin of the Center for Celebrity Carbon Dating in San Diego.
If confirmed by independent review, the study’s findings would make Rivers the oldest known non-fossilized celebrity, a title that previously belonged to Betty White.